Tuesday, May 8, 2007

There's always some reason...

to feel not good enough.

Being on dial-up, once I bother to wait for something I like to load on YouTube I leave it up for awhile and enjoy it. (I have White and Nerdy up for about a week) Currently I have up Sarah McLachlan and Josh Groban singing In the Arms of the Angels, for some reason the early part of the song, especially the line, "there is always some reason to feel not good enough" are spending a lot of time in my head, niggling my brain and wanting to be heard.

Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm ready for summer, so I can have a break. Everyday I drive the kids to school, its 10 miles to school, and children have to be gotten to the car in a way similar to rounding up a herd of cattle. Then there is the ebb and flow of the traffic at school. And despite watching it for an entire year I'm still surprised, shocked, and irritated at the way some parents drive on the school grounds.(Yes Mrs BrownieLeaderSpeedDemon , I mean you, 35mph in a grade school parking lot is unacceptable)  And so the whole adventure, takes an hour minimum. and normally there is an AM trip and a PM trip. 40 miles a day. In my battered and beat Blazer that is about $10 worth of gas per day.

Maybe our financial woes are part of my negativity. We are currently paying off the credit cards we foolishly ran up in our earlier lives, While we are getting ahead on those debts, we are still behind routinely on our other bills, they get paid they just don't get paid on time. It is frustrating, It feels like we are filling the holes we have by digging new holes. And just like if we dug actual holes in our yard filling the old hole with dirt we take from a new spot making a new hole, we can eventually even things out .. sort of.. but the yard, or our credit will never be the same.  We have been caught in this cycle for awhile. Almost 5 years now. We could be out of this cycle if we had not gone into business with a big talker who robbed us blind. Ah well, live and learn.

The frustration with never getting ahead comes and goes. I guess for now it has come.

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  1. I'm going through the same thing right now, with living as modestly as we can while trying to pay off our debt. It's frustrating to see that every month we're getting charged a good sum for interest. I just think to myself, "Man, how much faster would this go if half of my payment didn't go to interest."In fact, a few months ago I realized that I was paying more for the "credit protection" (a program that will pay your minimum if you become sick or injured and can't work and so can't pay your bill) than for interest and so I canceled that. I thought to myself, I'm not getting anywhere when it comes to this debt because of these dimes & nickels - I need to just take the chance."Good luck. Oh, and make the kids take the bus.

  2. I'd say fear of a credit card is healthy and valid. The only drawback is when you cant get a cel phone because of it and the things I have known to happen to friends.There are some people with credit who do not abuse it. (my dad, for example) but they are a rare breed. My Dad doesn't put anything on a credit card he cant pay off at the end of the month. I could probably count on one hand how many times he has carried a balance over from one month to the next. I'd like to say if I got a credit card to order things for my small business that I would be able to use it only for its intended purpose.. but I think I am better off getting a visa gift card where I pay the $ upfront and use the card like a credit card.

  3. We enrolled in a consumer credit group to pay ours off. It is working but it trashes your credit rating just like bankruptcy, we have been told even worse by a few people in the finance industry... :P I guess when they are all paid we will be building our credit back up then. We have one with a zero balance, account closed. Can't get into trouble with it.I'd love to put the kids on the bus, but it doesn't run out to where we live. We are out in the country. I cant fit any one else in my car so offering to carpool with someone else also wont happen. :P