again

Again. No one makes it out of this life alive. But death really sucks. So, far of only been on the side of loss, clearly. They have all been different,  and they have all sucked. We had enough warning that this was coming to get used to the idea that it was coming, and then get used to the prolonged period where we had the extra time with this great lady, and then wham. Brick wall. 

My Sister-in-Law's Mom was our last parent who regularly attended holidays and family parties. We feel like a collective group of orphans. There is still, a couple parent of that generation in the family, one suffering from dementia, one 5 states away, and one who would not be interested in coming to the family gatherings.  We are hurt. To our core. 

alternate reality

On Friday my 77 year old mother had a stroke. I have been at the hospital for about 120 of the last 150 hours. I've slept here for 5 of the last 6 nights. I feel like I'm in an alternate reality. And it's a very sucky one. 

Every test has been either inconclusive in the beginning,  or more bad news as we have progressed. We have been watching college basketball with her, March Madness is one of her favorite times of the year. Truly, I cannot believe she is missing it. 

She misses Dad. He has been gone over a year. And we visit often. My siblings are all closer and visit weekly, I have not been able to visit weekly during the bad winter weather, since we have animals to care for at home. We  did get her tree put up for Christmas, and I took it back down for her. 

We certainly did not expect to be doing this for our next adventure.  

Sometimes life just sucks. 

a gnocchi by any other name

Pretty much the entire world calls these little dumplings gnocchi. Except for my family, Big Grandma called these cuyetta. I'm starting to believe it might have been a regional thing to call them cuyetta, there is one other person on the internet whose family also calls these cuyetta. His Italian grandfather was from a small village in the Alps in the Piedmont region of Italy. Big Grandma's parents are both from a village about 25 miles south of that one. I don't believe this is a coincidence.  

These babies are resting before I toss them in some knock off olive garden chicken gnocchi soup. 

ashes

Lent has begun

my dad

As a family, we have been sitting by his bed in the nursing home since about 6pm last night. It is 4 am. Some have arrived later, some have left. 

He is still here.

But he is tired. And small.  And frail.

He's ready to go home. 

San Francisco Hills, Cable Car Museum, Chinese Gate, Late night flight